Stop Asking “How Do I Escape If He Holds Me Like This?” – Start Asking This Instead

Stop Thinking About Escaping – Start Thinking About Avoiding

Over the years of teaching self-defence, I’ve heard the same question many times:

“How do I get out if someone grabs me like this?” This question usually comes from women, especially when they worry about being pinned down by a man in a rape situation. Many ladies doubt themselves. They think because they are smaller or not as strong, there’s no way to escape. Truth is, there are techniques that work, and with practice, many women do learn how to break free. Some pick it up quickly, others struggle. But here’s the bigger lesson: don’t wait until you’re stuck in that position. The real goal is to avoid ending up there in the first place.

The Danger Starts Before the Attack

A rape doesn’t start when you’re already on the ground. A hijacking doesn’t start when the gun is at your window. It starts much earlier, when the criminal chooses you as a target, when he follows you, or when he looks for a place to trap you. Attackers often give off signs before they strike. We call these pre-attack indicators. It could be the way they move, the way they talk, or even how they watch you. If you can spot these signs early, you have a much better chance to avoid the situation completely. Think of it like this:

• If you’re already asking, “How do I escape once I’m pinned down?”, you’re thinking like prey. You’ve already given the predator the upper hand.
• Rather be like the sharp-eyed impala that sees the lion coming and warns the herd – not the one already caught in the lion’s jaws.

Self-Defence Is More Than Just Fighting Moves

Yes, it’s important to know how to break a choke, escape a grab, or fight back if you’re ambushed. But that should never be your only focus.Real self-defence starts with:

• Understanding how criminals think
• Knowing how they choose victims
• Recognising the warning signs before an attack
• Learning how to avoid or de-escalate situations before they get physical

If you can walk away without ever having to throw a punch, you’ve defended yourself in the best way possible. Of course, sometimes you won’t see it coming. You might get surprised, and then you’ll need to use the physical skills. But the reality is: most attacks can be avoided if you’re alert.

A Wake-Up Call in Johannesburg

Just this week in Joburg, I was stuck in traffic and shocked at what I saw. Almost every driver around me was glued to their phone. If I was a hijacker or smash-and-grabber, I could have had a busy day with no resistance. On the pavements, people were walking with earphones in, heads down, scrolling on their screens. To a criminal, that’s not just a person – that’s an easy target.

Final Thought

Self-defence is not only about escaping once you’re in danger. It’s about training your awareness, spotting the threat early, and not giving the criminal a chance in the first place. Stay sharp. Stay switched on. Don’t make yourself an easy opportunity.